Kebab Vans

Oxford's own Recycling System, a gestalt entity which effectively parasitises the student population.

Ahmed, on the High St, is the 'bab king. This is beyond dispute. The other Oxford Kebab Vans are:

• Mehdi's (High St)
• Hussein's (St Giles; will also sell you drugs, and give you freebies if you see him selling drugs to others)
• The Roving Gourmet (St Giles; right next to Hussein's, and of the two, chosen by all right-thinking people) What this one serves is almost food- the chips seem to have some potato in them, and the cheese has the consistency of cheese rather than rubber, two points which instantly elevate it above Hussein's and Hassan's.
• Hassan's ('Hassan the Assassin') - The best chips and cheese in Oxford IMNSHO?. --DM
• Sid's Kitchen (St Aldates)
• Ali's (up by the Radcliffe Infirmary? - draw your own conclusions) well, the Radcliffe Infirmary has no accident & emergency department, for a start. I've eaten many, many times at Ali's and have only been ill once, as a result. That helped me get out of a particularly nasty tutorial, as I recall -AM
• The Oxford Kebab Van (location uncertain; known by its initials, OKV, which remind one of a Soviet or Nazi secret police torture squad, and not without good reason)

In the far future, so ZOOL tells us, Kebab vans will be a space-combat weapon to be used to subdue the strange creatures into which students will by then have mutated.

Kebab Vans are equipped with a network of the most sophisticated monitoring equipment known to humans or the CIA, allowing their drivers to instantly determine if a dog, cat, student, toad, or other animal has died on the streets anywhere in Oxford, so that they can appropriate the carcass forthwith.

Also see Eating In Oxford, Drinking In Oxford, DyingInOxford.

Category Oxford Geography Category Unknowable Horror