The #linc quotes page, for the quotes of a cosy, small channel
The IRL quotes page, for that spontaneous feel
*** jaffa has set the topic to Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-man open slay
*** Kake has set the topic to We're all pist; so what? Wanna make something of it?
*** Ganesh has set the topic to troll spotting lessons available here
*** Penfold has set the topic to Singing? Us? Never. No.
*** Igloo has set the topic to Wibble
*** Zeus has set the topic to Wobble
*** Igloo has set the topic to Wibble, 'n bugger off Zeus
*** Raptor has set the topic to Should dogs be be genetically engineered to make them more like cats?
*** krys has set the topic to I WILL get Rap in a corset at some point!
*** Raptor has set the topic to Krys says she'll get me into a corset some day. Who's *your* money on?
<Binky> krys, obviously
*** tfm has set the topic to #keble TFM has brought a virus down on all mortal beings (well Zap and Igloo)
*** Reb has set the topic to "thud me sex muppet". Apparently.
*** Reb has set the topic to Staircase-Based Buggery - Fun for the Family in 51 Simple Stages!
*** Matt has set the topic to IRC ate my hamster.
*** Binky has set the topic to welcome, please select your body armour and make your way to the trenches
*** Noodles has set the topic to I'M THE BIGGEST FREAK IN THE WORLD!
<Rincewind> I was thinking s/m//
* Raptor thinks Rincewind should stop thinking about s&m
* Satan is a grumpy fucker.
<simon> Flourescent balls would be cool, too.
<simon> Otherwise you can't see where it's going
<huggie> Mine's quite small
<Chris> OK. He's turned me off now then. :(
<Anna> Probably due to bad intergration
<Caribou> Oh, man, I was on some baad integration last night. Pretty fucked-up differentials too, maan.
* rodhull is normal
<Twofish> Someone is mounting me every minute
<Socks> I've had Noodles
<Agam> What mounts C again?
<Ganesh> get it up.
* circe considers cleavage
<glis> I needed somebody to come with me
<Kake> Take it off.
<Kake> Damn. He won;t stay closed.
* Noodles will have to fiddle with his some more.
<huggie> circe it's not little (if anyone quotes me on that I'll kill them :))
(Well, you're miles away in Paris, so :-p)
<Binky> It's not big, just hard.
<circe> Cable ties hurt.... DON'T DO IT!!!
<Rincewind> fruitcake: cop me back
* Simon hands Chris a gutter, in which to store his mind.
<Raptor> I am here. Just w**king merrily.
<David> Vi is a subset of evil
<Arthur> Vi is also a subset of David
(Latter comment came about when they were looking at the quotes page. How's that for post-modern self-referentialism? Or something?)
<fudge> Um, you could have more than one orgy in serial, rather than parallel?
<jon> susie is messing with poo?
<Raptor> How long do you think I'll last, people?
<Windle> I want to nest the bras
<Matt> Shaving ryan's privates....
<Narenek> proper sex really should be done with your genitals
<Raptor> Hugs!
<wol> Haskell!
<Raptor> Hugs!
<wol> Haskell!
<Raptor> Hugs!
<wol> Haskell *is* the programming language
<Raptor> Yes, I know; I just like hugs...
<wol> I can't be bothered to turn the page over
<Mike> You're the one who's changed. I've always been evil.
[Pause]
<Mike> Oh bugger.
<Penfold> I'll do it the right way up when I get back.
<Zeus> Prettiness is not everything
<Zeus> Speed is more important
<James> Functionality?
<Zeus> That too
* tfm wonders what his handle does
<tfm> Why can't I have n handles?
<Twofish> I cant go to bed without nou......
<Jewel> just beat me :)
<Raptor> Well, yes, but I do end up rather sore.
<Penfold> It's, erm, quite a bit longer than that. Just coiled up.
<Matt> k: Please? I want you too :-)
<Raptor> Reb: Come! Come!
<Raptor> !trout
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* Raptor is just slow...
<Raptor> Eeek
<angnor> oh dear!!
<Raptor> Okay, I didn't expect the trout to have *that* effect.
<Igloo> Brute force and ignorance!
<Igloo> Where is Raptor, anyway?
<Igloo> I'd offer to be adopted, but my parents are scary enough without knife wielding mothers and Disney loving fathers
<Raptor> knows a way to do effigies, albeit not without burning. Drat.
<Reb> Rap: you tell me what you want me to do. ok?
* Penfold wonders if he can be bothered to put on more vinyl
* Penfold has had 7 in a morris
<Matt> Reb hasnt given me any brilliant wavs but I have given her one.
* Penfold goes to photocopy it, and stick it everywhere
<Penfold> Reb: need my services after all? :)
* Zeus stops using his right wrist, and promptly gets rsi in his left wrist
<Twofish> I was busty that day
About servers:
<Penfold> Mine hasn't died. Yet. ;)
<Igloo> echo "<Penfold> Mine [pendragon] hasn't died. Yet. ;)" | mail -s "You know what to do" mike@oakley.isz :-)
<baldy> Windle: I got it up in a few seconds using IE5
*sigh* - typical
* Binky does it manually
* Gan just has an overactive imagination. yes.
* Narenek loves goats at times
<Twofish> hte 3rd meal of the day, bab
<Twofish> 1st meal lunch, 2nd dinner, 3rd bab
<jon> i've had men tell me they wanted to stroke it before
* fudge huggles and corrupts Emily
<Binky> Exciting indeed
* Penfold drools
(The strange thing is, those lines are in precisely the correct order, but none of them is really responding to the others)
On the subject of alt.sysadmin.recovery:
<fudge> baldy: Be careful on there... I wouldn't post, if I were you, unless you really know what you're doing...
<fudge> baldy: Imagine 100 Simons all in one place...
* Raptor downloads a load of Willy. Yes.
In my defence, I was talking about the Jet Set sort.
<Penfold> Is Dom's part automatic?
<Noodles> What's a computer?
Noodles was, at the time he said that, the compsoc president...
<Twofish> a pair of select members
<Gah> Lucy extensions can be any length too
<Ganesh> it's a lot harder than you think
This holds a special place in my memory; it was the first time I was kicked... Fancy, not long into IRC, and I was already collecting quotes...
<Twofish> eddandneil are the tfm and noodles of biochemistry
<Penfold> WHy foes frumpy mnpot ja[[y bityhdayt ypou?
Another reason why keyboards and alcohol don't mix
* mara tries tempting Rapture again else she will stroke the book all night
* Hellbound does the anal thing
<rejs> buy socks
<rejs> (memo to self, must use Palm)
<nou> Dirty rejs. Do that in private.
<Narenek> AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH
<Narenek> *AWOOGA* *AWOOOOOGA* Luser alert Luser alert
# baldy returns
<Ratz> though I do think doop was the first <14 to do ti
* Lucy grabs Whee in a frustrated manner
<rejs> so am I, it's just a 12 inch bit
<rejs> so I paid a fiver extra to get it on the spot
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*** Penfold (abullard@missing.linc.ox.ac.uk) has joined #keble
<Penfold> Excess flood my arse
<Ganesh> no thanks
<Rapture> I wasn't naked! I had a sock on!
Erm, well, yes. Moving swiftly on...
<Whee> you want to do it in the car or not, then?
* Penfold does it the old fashoined way
Newbies sometimes fail to realise that the bots aren't human
<Penfold> Grumpy: why the slapping?
<Ganesh> grumpy is a bot, in case you hadn't realised
<Raptor> Ganesh is a bot, in case you hadn't realised
<LucyK> chocolate...
<LucyK> mmm...
<chocolate> ?
* LucyK hugs chocolate
<Rapture> chocolate: Don't listen to her! She's just trying to get into your wrapper!
Talk about new processors
<Rapture> Tsk, it's as bad as penis comparisons, really.
<rejs> but penises don't double in performance every 18 months...
<Reb> Mneh. I lost all my braincells in a cyan grave.
<Ratz> did you ever get his bits working?
* Matt thinks they go Faster than light...
<Matt> But they can't slow down... or something...
* Matt alters the phase divergence
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*** Signoff: Zaphod (pendragon.linc.ox.ac.uk kebl1088.keble.ox.ac.uk)
* Zaphod didn't fake it .. Raptor faked it for me
The secret to a happy marriage:
<mara> come on I want to go to bed
Rapture falls asleep
* baldy tries to go all the way
*sigh* - typical
<Whee> yes. stroke it gently and make it feel loved.
Right, erm, yes. Lots of weather we're having, isn't it?
<NiKiTa> fudge could go either way, Rapture has female leanings...
Sorry, NiKiTa. You're no longer a virgin. Erm, in quotespage terms.
<jon> rejs is not the person that snogged everyone at ox.millennium is he?
<rejs> I have lots of apes
<rejs> tapes!
<rejs> oook
<Chris> nah. I did it twice at the weekend and still have both arms.
mara starts doing something silly
<Snowbear> This should be amusing.
<mara> if I only I could remember exactly what I have to press
<Igloo> Hmmmm, I think I just screwed Ig up
<wol> my pocket boings randomly
<Kake> jon; what's your preferred email address for receiving dodgy pictures?
<Rapture> Penfold: If you ram it hard enough, a hen's head is topologically compatible with *anything*
Erm. It was a perfectly innocuous scientific comment. Honest.
* fudge is so surprised by the succulence of a pair that he nearly eats the label
He claims it was meant to be 'pear' - but we all know what he meant, don't we, kiddywinks?
<baldy> surely there's some place we can just suck all this off?
*sigh* - typical
<Edd2> I love modern technology
*** Edd2 has quit IRC (Read error to Edd2[saffron.jesus.ox.ac.uk]: EOF from client)
<Simon> And, much though it pains my mortal soul to say so, This Page Best Viewed In Internet Explorer.
(Choooo-hooooo) Give in to the dark side... (Chooooo-hooooo)
To Raptor:
<mara> can you do it quieter please
* jon pats Dr Pepper and its amazing ability to fuck you
Amazing indeed. Who would have thought that a drink was capable of that?
<pilly> Queen!
* Reb hasn't had one for ages.
<rejs> I see no naked bottoms.
<rejs> er, have I got thr right URL?
<rejs> ah, webcamshots not webcam
<rejs> blimey, it's big
<Art> Oh, of course frumpy would go down with me :)
Funny, I thought it was only Baldy who had sex with bots...
<Twofish> you can always come and do it here on my 17" then
* Rapture does the boring old fart thing
* Edd turns on the fans
It's just one of those quirky coincidences. Honest.
<Ganesh> I must have missed something here. What massage session involving me and baldy?
* Penfold surveys the enormous bush around which Rap is beating
* nou takes her trousers off.
* rejs turns his back to the irc window
<Rapture> Ooooh. NICE photo.
<nou> :)
* Windle wonders how this help with DNS :-)
<Rapture> (Er. No, I've not got a webcam pointing at nou. Honest.)
<nou> It doesn't, but it helps with airflow.
<baldy> same here. third time I got lucky with the chief examiner for kirkcaldy
<Twofish> ... I havent done it for almost a year
<Edd> I'm stuck firmly in the micro range
<Reb> Well, I stand more chance of having a walrus, at any rate.
<Art> It'd have to stick out quite a long way, because the street is bent
* Twofish doesnt do it properly, at least I doubt I do
<Raptor> Well, yes, but I feel guilty about doing that in a communal kitchen
<fivemack> It tasted nice. Sort of like honey, though maybe that was the honey I put in it.
<Azrael> I will if I have time. I think most probably I'll do it on the phone on monday.
* Zeus hasn't yet done it in under an hour, zap. But then, I also haven't done it with an average speed of more than 80
<jdc> Windle: We've done it before. Well, ming and I.
<Raptor> YES! It's not a cherry!
<Windle> Twof: What is it doing wrong if you just stick it in?
* Binky wonders how long it will take susie to come on IRC
The OxIRC Joy Of Sex, Chapter One
<nou> See, I can give women orgasms just by talking to them.
<Art> Hmm. It generally helps if you plug in *both* ends of an ethernet cable.
<Ganesh> oh, screw it. I probably would.
<Art> Hmm. Who velcroed my dongle to my alarm clock?
Wasn't me, guv
<Kake> Art: BED! Have discussion later.
The OxIRC Joy Of Sex, Chapter Two - Know Your Terrain
<Edd> which should I see - snatch or what lies beneath?
<Raptor> Own up. Who's stolen all the sex?
Um... Er... Look, in *CONTEXT* it makes sense. Honest.
<Matt> Oooh, you are tight
<Raptor> Azrael: We tend to feel Gore, although it varies.
# baldy dances naked for Art
Look, I'm SORRY, okay? nou made me do it, blame her
<Art> Do you love us, Raptor, do you?
<Raptor> Art: Yes, but no tongues.
<Zeus> Is anyone talking about the same thing as anyone else?
<Edd> AUSTIN!
<Zeus> POWERS!
<Edd> INTERNATIONAL!
* Zaphod -> watch film
<Matt> MAN!
<Edd> OF!
<Matt> MYSTERY!
<Windle> What film?
<Art> I need one. I can't afford one. But I'm having one anyway.
<wol> know that feeling but at the rate I'm going I won't get one til Saturday
<nou> jdc, dear, I never shagged you. You dreamed that.
<Heffalump> are zap and or mara coming, anyone know?
<wol> I think so
<Igloo> Gan: Personal question, isn't it?
<Zaphod> NY. I intend to.
<fivemack> The drunk Turks have turned on the balalaika music.
<fivemack> The drunk Turks have turned on the balalaika music.
<fivemack> Now, which of you is my contact?
<AEndr> gan seems to think there are some problems getting it working
<Ig> What problems?
<Heffalump> it didn't work.
<Raptor> There are far *more* worthless pools of slime around. You're merely a puddle of goo. :-)
<Raptor> (And most of the population of the planet are puddles of goo, anyway. Very few people transcend to being trickles of ick.)
The OxIRC Joy Of Sex, Chapter Three - Use of Implements
<fivemack> He's turning it on using a small screwdriver
<Zaphod> I had some random female.
<Raptor> Oh. I had Hanno.
<Azrael> Twofish: you watch it going in that ear. I'll nip round the other side see if its coming out there.
[23:27] * nympho accuses the stats page of being 1/2 out of date at least
[23:28] <nympho> 1/2 hour im
[23:29] <Ig> nymphette: Which? Why?
[23:29] <nympho> yours.. according to it, nobody has said anything since 23:30
<Art> The hardest bit is generally described in the fewest words, on pages I've looked at :)
<Twofish> and your wrist in the wrong place
<Art> 'just slip it through the back'
<Edd> Art, Twofish: I hate that bit too
<MadHatter> twofish - I've never had a problem doing it
<Twofish> You are a women, hence validating my first point
<MadHatter> it just takes 2 goes
[Later, on the same topic]
* Twofish decideds it is easier without a mirror
<Raptor> I usually get inspired to add to the quotes page from activity on the channel.
<Art> the hard bit definitely is
<Art> because things don't go in the direction you expect them to in a mirror
<Raptor> Dammit, you're doing it *again*!
* Edd wonders what MattR is bonking with
<MattR> it's ag
<MattR> she's testing out my newfound floorspace
<Twofish> I have a bit the worse for wear
<Ratz> I really hate it when people pull out theirs and sit and fiddle with it in the middle of a lab.
<Raptor> These can't possibly be my pants
<Raptor> fennel's is about four and a half feet long.
<Raptor> We all know it's six feet long with leaves growing out of the end.
<Art> Where do you take it, OOI?
* Edd likes his rigid
<Dom> *gets up from bed to go and play with it*
<Art> BedIRC is the next best thing to sex
<Art> Well, maybe apart from bacon
<Igloo> Hmmm, maybe I wasn't doing it right
<aendr> well wol flashes too but you don;t, Igloo
<Igloo> Large pink areas ought to compress well.
<Art> Banana rejs insert
<Zaphod> I don't seem to get any, and haven't done for ages.
<quidity> but now it's tiny
<Art> Hmm, I think I've gone down a bit since last time.
* Art goes to see to his sausage
<matt> We could hold it on the roof of comlab.
<Raptor> Yes, but it's not terribly big.
<Raptor> In girth terms.
<Heffalump> long is more important than wide
<Raptor> Plus it'd probably be antisocial for the others in the house.
<Edd> Erwin: well, no wardrobe, no Xena. don't come whining to us when we've all got warrior princesses and you haven't
<Raptor> Dialdown.
*** Disconnected
*** Attempting to rejoin...
*** Rejoined channel #keble
<Rap> ...and up.
<Raptor> Dialdown.
*** Raptor (Matthew.Cl@modem-139.narley.dialup.pol.co.uk) Quit ((...goodnight to the Jurassic era...))
<Rap> Whoa. Surreal.
<Snowbear> Edd, I'm not wearing any clothes, fancy coming around here?
<Art> Quite big, then.
<Edd> yes. about..... well, twice my size and a bit
<Edd> for a small one
* Heffalump didn't very drunk at all, why am I not sober?
<quidity> Have fun in the bath.
<MadHatter> oh dear, 1st year student is now making very strange noises
<quidity> But I've already done that with at least three other people from the company, so I might have looked a bit bored.
<Anna> I was leaning against my handlebars and it popped off
<Art> boing
<Dom> boing
<Dom> boing
<Dom> boing
<Dom> ouch
<wol> gah, ig's nuts are too hot
* baldy returns
<Art> The new horror movie?
* Art gd&r
<baldy> :p
<Rap> Baldy. Baldy Returns. Demonic Bride of Baldy. Baldy IV: The Offspring. Baldy V: Baldy's Revenge.
* Rap shivers just thinking about it.
<Twofish> damn, too long
<Art> *shrug* I don't like to be the only person flashing :)
<Art> Rigor mortis doesn't make it quiver, it's just stiff
<Raptor> I'm still going for doop.
<Art> /kick #keble pilly you're too long
<Dom> My bit's fine.
<Raptor> Art: When do you think you can give me a life?
<Art> I don't know - I'm easy
<huggie> Igloo: I think something was sat on my spacebar whilst I was being merry
<Windle> Interesting. My Mozilla title bar says "Image 140328128x1075768508 pixels".
* Lucy will tlk o jdc and then come in about 5 mins.
Evidently, she's easily pleased...<GD&R>
<wol> Raptor: yours is bigger than his
<wol> there's not really enogh room/comfortable space for it here tbh
<Art> Oh, wol'd is better.
<Art> Someone snip the whole conversation, please :)
<wol> hmmmm, too many emails
<Raptor> I thought 14" was the minimum, and I think that's how big mine is.
<Snowbear> wol : I've got a 21 inch one that I'm not using at the moment - perhaps you should borrow it for a bit :)
<Art> Mine's the same size as wol's.
<Raptor> Bigger or smaller than mine?
<wol> oh dear, I'm tired
<Art> It's 21", I think
* wol attacks ig with a ruler
<Raptor> Really? Than mine's load's smaller than wol's.
<Art> Yay, got it out!
<Raptor> That's why you should *never* have sex with an Alien Queen.
<Lucy> *I* am a B-cup. I doubt either of you has beasts my size
<Lucy> in fact, i was only suggesting i givehim a massge to get him to give me one
* Lucy goes BONING
<baldy> I remember stroking it in his room
<tithonus> your mouth isn't deep enough
* Art looks out of the window and fails to see any breasts
* Art has more breasts than he'd like
<baldy> 3 ways, £6/hour
* baldy normally ended up doing 10 hours/week, which is one reason the senior tutor asked me to stop :)
<Art> It's a bit soft, but it smells odd, as does the inside of the dishwasher
<Art> I suppose you could just play with yourself for 20 hours
<Art> Wuh? I'm pretty sure I've seen Raptor doing it
<Edd> yes. I have to agree. I have just polished off my lump.
<baldy> Emily: he spent all his time pulling instead of studying
<Art> baldy: I always said he should have given me some.
<Art> NOT LIKE THAT!
<Ratz> It's rubber coated, so it won't leave a mark.
<woman8076> But is it worth it? I don't get fingered much.
<Az> Igloo: well, I did poke it a bit ages ago and it might have been that I set something up and forgot about it,
<Igloo> Ah, 2" is just experimental error
<hoggy> You mean the bugger thingy.
<Art> I'm a cute heterosexual girl in the mind and body of a heterosexual man
<Art> I had a hunch that he was a Google person, what with the little balls
* Zaphod's gets put in automagically
<Art> I tried it with my MG, but without getting out and using a tape measure, it's a bit tricky
<Art> (and it was dark)
* baldy makes a note I should go to bed earlier tonight, so I can lay taxi-driver tomorrow
<Art> Yay, atomic kitten on demand
<Heffalump> aendr has had one of each
<Heffalump> I haven't seen either
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